Day 31 - Reactive vs. Proactive

I sat talking with my wife the other night about the things that we are learning from the 100 Days of Love challenge. She commented that she noticed that as she has been trying to be more loving she has primarily been reactive in her love. In other words, she has been working on reacting to others with love in all the things she does. While she had been making good progress with this she noticed that she did not feel as though she was progressing in her ability to love as much as she would have liked. She decided she needed to be more proactive in her expressions of love.

We all are at different stages of increasing our love. Both being reactive and proactive are important parts of this, however, it is important not to neglect either of them. Let's be committed, as my wife is, to be more proactive in our expressions of love.

Day 30 - Care

The other day I was with a bunch of high school students who had become aware of the 100 Days of Love. They were all kind of teasing each other, and at one point, some of the teasing was pretty mean. My sister, their high school teacher, reminded them of the 100 Days of Love, and they replied, "Oh yea, we got to be nice to each other. I took this as a teaching opportunity... and it turns out it was a good one for myself too. I let them know that there is a difference between love and just being nice to others. The difference is that with love, one actually cares about the person they are being "nice" to. It was a simple little lesson, but I have been thinking about it ever since. If we are doing all of these challenges without caring about or for those around us are we really developing and increasing love? No. This has caused me to focus more on caring about the people around me.

Let's all take the time to care more about the people around us. As you do so, you will find your ability to love naturally growing and expanding.

Day 29 - Sacrifice

This is one of the most difficult and defining characteristics of love. It is very easy to express love when in a good mood, or others are expressing love to you. It is much more difficult when love is not reciprocated, or when we do not feel like we have the time or energy. Our greatest expressions of love come when they are not convenient or easy, when we have to sacrifice. Mothers are notoriously good at this as they sacrifice so much of their lives for their children. For me, it is often difficult to get up in the morning to serve my wife and make her life easier because usually what I want in the moment is to just go back to sleep.

Show your love by making the sacrifices that show your love goes beyond mere convenience.

Day 28 - Enjoy Life

This morning I woke up to my wife saying, "I bet there is a beautiful sunrise outside." She was right. As we opened the blinds we were blessed to see magnificent colors painted across the sky with majestic mountains in the foreground. I sat and marveled at the momentary blessing that is so easily missed and ignored. This started my day out in a grateful mood. Each day we are surrounded by simple beauties that we may skip over. Let's love life, and the beauty of the earth. Breathe in the cold air, look at the colors, see the gentle movements of the landscape, and be thankful you can do all those things. Share these simple joys with the people around you and let them share in the beautiful life that is always waiting for us to notice and enjoy.

Day 27 - Sensitivity

Each of us have many different experiences in the course of a day, week, month, year, etc. Often our experiences and circumstances paint the world we live in with our emotions and moods. It is not always easy to see the hardships, struggles, and insecurities of those around us. As a result, many an insensitive comment, look, suggestion... have been made. How important sensitivity is to showing love. My wife is a great example of this to me, and teaches me (often in the face of my insensitivity) how I can be more sensitive to those around me.

Lets try to be sensitive to the needs and pains and insecurities of those around us and let them feel of our genuine love.

Day 26 - Accepting Differences

As I sat around today I observed that there is such a wonderful range of personalities and beliefs amongst us. Some of these personalities are quite different than mine, and in my still limited capacity for unconditional love I ignorantly thought that my personality and beliefs were "better." My mind was going to that unloving place (i.e. critical, judgemental, not understanding) that I don't really enjoy being in. Thankfully I stopped myself and recognized that differences are not a measure of the quality of a person. We all grew up in different circumstances, whether we had the same parents or not. Instead, I started to accept the differences, and to find the good in each person. It felt better to be in this mind set and to feel greater love. It is not always easy to catch ourselves being distant because of our differences, or to always be accepting of them, but it is always worth it.

I hope we can all realize that differences are not all bad, sometimes they are just differences. If we learn to accept them we can push forward in our relationships with greater love.

Day 25 - Be Present

It is often very easy when others are talking to us to be thinking about something completely different, and be wishing you were somewhere else. One of the great characteristics of loving and caring people is to be present when talking to others. They are there now... be there with them. Listen to the words and meaning of what they are saying. This lets the person know that they are important and what they are talking about has meaning to you.

In the grander scheme of life, what will be most important? I believe it is the relationships we have established, and the loving natures we create in ourselves. All other things are secondary. Let's make first things first and be present.

Day 24 - Be a Friend

It is amazing how a little friendship makes our lives more tolerable. We have spent the last few days, not with our family, but with some really close friends that might as well be. It has been such a fun time, and they are so good at being really great friends. We have laughed, joked, played, and listened. I know there are people out there that do not have this, and really need it. Let's reach out to those who are in need of a friend, someone who cares.

Do not limit this to those outside of the family either. My dad is a wonderful example of a loving person to those outside and inside his family. Last night, during a conversation, he expressed his gratitude for us in a very sincere and loving way. It felt so good to be loved and appreciated. Find a need, and fill the need.

Day 23 - Gratitude

I'm sure you all saw this one coming! What a wonderful holiday Thanksgiving is. I love that we have a holiday set aside to celebrate the things we are thankful for. I know of no other thing that leads us away from being self absorbed as showing gratitude, and reflecting on all of the things we have been given. Each and every one of us, no matter how depraved, grieving, happy, or blessed we are, has something to be grateful for. Gratitude prepares our hearts to love.

Today, to all who read this blog, leave a comment about the things you are grateful for. Help us all to remember the true blessings we share in our lives. How inspiring it will be tomorrow to read all the comments of gratitude, and continue the spirit of Thanksgiving.

Day 22 - Patience

As the holidays come upon us, many of us may be faced with busy crowds and frustrating travel. Such was the case with us yesterday as we traveled to visit some close friends for Thanksgiving. Traveling to the airport we got stuck in traffic due to an accident. In the airport, our flight was a little delayed. Once we finally arrived at our destination, we ended up having to wait in the airport for our ride for over an hour. It was late and we were tired. It would have been very easy for us to complain and be rude and unloving. However, we recognized that our ride was stuck in traffic for over an hour just trying to get one more mile to the airport exit. We decided to take the patient stance and understand that things were out of her control, and life was probably no fun for her stuck on the freeway not moving. Our hearts were filled with compassion as we thought of her situation instead of complaining about ours. It was much easier to be patient, and that patience increased our ability to be loving.

As we are all presented with many opportunities to test our patience the next couple of days, let's let patience fill our hearts with love.

Day 21 - A Considerate Heart

This morning, as I was driving to work, the car just barely ahead of me in the right lane put on her blinker to get over. I could have sped up, to make sure she didn't get in front of me... but I was feeling considerate and slowed down so she could get over. Turns out, she needed to get into the turn lane which was coming up soon, and if I had sped up this would have been more difficult for her. She seemed shocked that I slowed down for her, but it felt so much better to have an other's centered attitude rather than a self centered one. Also, yesterday I talked with a friend who I had just found out was going through a very difficult time in her life. I let her just vent to me and express her deeper emotions. I stood there just being understanding and considerate of how she must be feeling. Again, it felt good to have my heart focused on the needs of others.

Let's all try to be a little more considerate today and not let our own selfishness get in the way of treating people with love and compassion.

Day 20 - Take care of yourself!

Taking care of yourself is not always for yourself. There are many people around each of us who truly care about us and our well beings. My wife well knows that I struggle at taking care of myself (stubborn family genes) and often the only way I will go to a doctor, etc. is for her to remind me that I'm not doing it for myself, but for her. We have been painfully reminded in past weeks how important this is. Taking care of yourself is a great way for you to show love to the ones who love you. Get your moles checked, take care of your skin, be cautious in your driving, the list could go on. Just make sure you do what is in your power so you can go on.

Day 19 - Tell Someone

I remember growing up a picture on my wall with a couple of dogs licking each other. The caption said, "If you love somebody, let them know." I always thought it was just a funny poster, but as I get older I recognize the wisdom of it. How often have I allowed my love for someone to go unexpressed? I don't know, and I am afraid to count... but I am committed to stop that number from getting bigger. There are so many people that I truly care about and love, and I am working on actually telling them this. I am starting with my family, and it feels good to say, "I love you." I often tell my wife, "I'm glad I married you." Though she hears it often, I know it brings a smile to her face every time.

Take time to tell the people you love that you really do love and appreciate them. It will make a difference for you and for them.

Day 18 - Child Like Love

Having a young child has been such a blessing in our lives. Not only because he is so fun and loveable, but because of how much we are able to learn from him. There have been several occasions over the last couple weeks in which our son has truly taught us the true nature of love. As we grow older we sometimes are judgemental and uncomfortable with people who are different from us. Our 6 month old has thankfully not developed this characteristic. He smiles and flirts with people who are diabled, ugly, awkward, different, or normal just the same. Sometimes I think he gives the bigger smiles to those who need them the most. It is fun to see how much he can light up their day with his happy demeanor. Our goal is to look past the surface we can see with our eyes, and develop better vision with our hearts.

Also, if you have not commented on the Roll Call... please do so. It is a couple posts down.

Day 17- Finding Love in the Car

I'VE HAD A BREAKTHROUGH!!! For months I have been shocked at my attitude while in the car. For some reason, I found it totally acceptable to call someone a dirtbag just for cutting me off. Would I ever call someone a dirtbag in another circumstance? No! So why was it OK to feel so much hate while I was driving? I know this sounds silly but it was really one of my top priorities when I took the 100daysoflove challenge. I am not a hateful person, but I was downright bitter in the car. So, each day as I drive to work, I make a conscious effort to control my thoughts and words. It happened slowly, "dirtbags" became "slowpokes" and then came tolerance. Yesterday a man pulled out in front of me and I had to hit my brakes. Instead of honking my horn or tailing him, I slowed down and thought, "He probably didn't realize how fast I was going when he pulled out." The thought shocked me and I realized that I truly am making progress. Yea! I know I haven't been cured yet, but it is definately a step in the right direction.

Day 16 - Smile

It is amazing how smiling can make us feel better. Equally amazing, how contagious that smile can be. Let's bless the lives around us today with contagious smiles. You never know how much of a difference that may make in another's life.

Day 15 - Love Surpasses Awkward Moments

I was watching a speaker on television yesterday and he shared a story that I think is an awesome example of love. There was a couple young men who decided to serve at an old folks home. One of the young men brought a violin to play. As he played, the notes became sweeter and more beautiful. This was a special treat for those in the audience. At times, when people get older, their inhibitions and sense of appropriateness tends to wear off. In the middle of the performance, in a rather loud voice, an older woman exclaimed, "I'm cold." Calmly and gently, the other young man stood up from the front of his room, walked to the old lady, took off his jacket and placed it on her. This simple act of service dispelled and strengthened a potentially awkward situation.

May we all strive to show love, even when we may feel awkward or out of place. This is where the true growing takes place.

Roll Call

The 100 Days of Love challenge has now been going for two weeks. Thanks to many of you, the word has spread far and wide. We would like to see just how far and wide it has spread, and how many of you are following the blog and have taken the challenge. Please click on the "comments" at the bottom of this post and tell us where you are commenting from. Please continue to spread the challenge to your friends and families.

Day 14-In Memorium- A Dear Friend

My dear friend passed away a week ago. It has been a privilege to know Ken. He filled his days with service and love. He never hesitated to compliment, thank, and express love. It simply flowed from him when you were in his presence. What a wonderful example to us all! Both of my Grandfathers had passed away and Ken was willing to be my sweet Grandfather. He always seemed to have a smile for anyone who saw him. Despite terrible heart break, he always persevered. He always found the silver lining. About a month ago, I felt like I should go and see him. I didn't go. How I wish I would have taken the time! To all who read this, please don't suppress those promptings. Live each day to the fullest! Live like Ken!

Day 13 - Unconditional

I had an interesting experience last night that taught me much about love. I wish I could say it was because I somehow increased my ability to love, but rather it was something I learned because of my limited capacity for love. This was made more clear to me through the example of love in others. Several months ago I was working with a family and helping them through some hard times. They often called on my for help. Through the experience I left with a feeling that they were not grateful for the help they received, and I felt somewhat taken advantage of. Last night, my wife and I were trying to do a little simple service by taking cookies to people in our neighborhood. She suggested we take some cookies to this home I had worked with months previous. Because of my experience with them, my heart was hardened to showing further love. We went to a different house instead to give cookies. Not 5 minutes after returning home someone came to our house saying a member of this family needed some help. I was humbled in my pride and went with this person to go help. My wife, the loving woman she is, gave me some more cookies so I could take them over. The experience of helping this family filled my heart with the love that I had been pushing out earlier. I realized I was blocking my ability to love because of my limited judgements.

Lets all be aware of the limits we often place on our love. Are those limits placed there by ourselves in order to preserve our pride? If so, we are only prohibiting our ability to love more.

Day 12- To Love is to be Vulnerable

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the perturbations of love is Hell.

(C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)

Day 11 - Love Yourself

Often, when people hear, "love yourself," thoughts of conceitedness and pride come to mind. However, the love towards self suggested here is much different. Our capacity to love others is greatly diminished when we do not have genuine love and care for ourselves. This is not to say we cannot love others... simply that we cannot give love as deeply. We sometimes neglect ourselves in our pursuit to be more loving, and that may be a disservice.

"The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be. . . . Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others." - Wilfred Peterson

Take the time to love yourself. Maybe write a list of qualities you admire in yourself. Recognize your own self worth... because you have great worth!

Day 10 - Recognition

We sometimes develop a hierarchy about the importance of people and positions. A great leader is someone who notices even the people who have small parts. We give others a great gift when we treat all people with respect. In the BEE MOVIE it talks about how all the bees are busy with small jobs, but they are all happy because they each matter. Imagine if the yeast thought it was so small that it didn't matter to the bread.

It is an important factor of love to recognize even the things we perceive are small. There are many people who feel like they do not have any power and their contribution, no matter the size, is unimportant and unappreciated. Imagine the change that can happen when they are recognized and appreciated. Lets be the start of that change... look for even the smallest contributors, and show appreciation and recognition.

Day 9 - Me Monster?

It is not uncommon for us to play the one uping game with people. When they tell stories about themselves, often we think about our own experiences and are just waiting for the other person to finish so we can tell ours. This is not loving. When we think of others, we are thinking of them, not ourselves. Lets try to listen to others and let them share their stories rather than thinking about what we are going to say to make their story less important. As one person said on the first day, it was important just to listen to his son. Let us all avoid being the ME MONSTER.

Day 8 - Selfishness?

Last night, as I sat thinking about the first week of the 100 days of love, I evaluated my progress in becoming a more loving person. I must admit that there have been several times over the past week that I have not felt very loving, nor in the mood to be so. As I thought about this I was able to trace back the unloving feeling to some sort of selfishness. Whether it was wanting to sleep in longer, being satisfied with my comfort zone, dwelling on my own needs and wants, or even just looking for the praise of others. These things, and many others, were blocking my ability to give love at a deeper level. This was a frustrating realization for me... I am the kind of person who wants results fast. Maybe many of you are feeling the same way as me. If so, be patient with yourself, and evaluate your own selfishness, and make a commitment to overcome at least a little of it.

The themes of each day are merely thoughts that I have had, or ideas others have given me. They may even be helpful suggestions. Feel free to work on increasing your love in whatever way seems best to you. If you are struggling to increase your love, just read through each day, and comments from others for ideas. This is what I do.

Also, I have had another idea. On Monday, a friend of mine shared a story of how the 100 days of love has made a difference in her life as well as her family's. It was a very touching and inspiring story to me. I realized stories like these might be inspiring to you as well. So I am requesting that if you have success stories to email them to me at 100daysoflove@gmail.com. Names will be kept confidential, but I will post these stories as I see fit to help inspire us all to love more.

Day 7 - Comfort Zones

Part of increasing our capacity and ability to love is stepping outside of our comfort zones. The past few days I have been trying to do this. Normally I am the kind of person that keeps to myself. However, in pushing this, I have been able to show more love than I have in the past. Yesterday, I noticed that a lady at work, whom I have never talked to, got a haircut. Normally, I would have let her walk by and kept this thought in my head. But I want to push myself further. So I yelled out to her from my office as she walked by and let her know that I thought her haircut looked nice. She walked back to my office with a big smile on her face and started talking to me. It was a good experience. Make a goal to get out of your comfort zone today, it feels great!

Day 6 - Attitude

I am grateful for my wonderful wife (and others) for being an example to me of a good attitude. I must admit that I woke up (sort of... I didn't sleep much last night for various reasons) this morning with a complaining and unloving attitude. Before I was even up and moving, my wife had fed our child and was making a special breakfast. She came into the bedroom with a very cheerful and happy attitude. She has one of those smiles that can make even the saddest person cheer up. Normally I would have been bugged by her cheerfulness in the face of my crabbiness, however, thinking of lessons I learned last night, I decided to appreciate her warmth. I thanked her for her cheerfulness and the wonderful breakfast, and that attitude change really turned my morning around. Her attitude was contagious.
Last night I had the opportunity to share Sunday dinner with Tammy and her family. It was a great experience. We talked about the power of attitude, and Tammy talked about how Bryce always believed that our attitudes were our choice and a decision we had to make. This inspired my decision this morning to change my attitude. I believe this is an act of love. We are more able to love when our attitudes are congruent with giving and receiving it. Let us all CHOOSE to have a good attitude each day.

Day 5 - Premature Judgement?

Yesterday my wife and I were filling up our gas tank :( and saw a couple of teenagers that looked like they could be trouble makers. Before the impulse to lock our doors hit, we remembered our commitment to react with love in all circumstances. How wrong it is to pass judgement without really having all the information. We very rarely have all the information. There were several times during the day where it would have been very easy to judge others around us who may not have "looked" lovable. Whether it be the clothes they were wearing, the smells they were emitting, or just the look on their face. We found ourselves checking our thoughts often and trying to give others the benefit of the doubt.

What a difference it would make in the world if we could each live without the fear of others looking down their nose at us! To be accepted for who we are. People do not generally change unless they feel cared about by someone. Let us each be the person who cares for someone and looks past the imperfections we ALL have.

Day 4 - Simple Service

Thank you again for all who have taken the challenge and are already making a difference in your own life and in the lives of those around you. Share the challenge with all your friends and family.

Yesterday was a day to simply serve. I woke up in the morning and realized I could make breakfast for my wife while she got ready for work. This simple act allowed her to sit down and enjoy breakfast instead of having to hurry off to work. I also live on a street where most of the people are older and retired. A few have a harder time getting around. I noticed that the leaves were pilling up on their lawn. Normally, I would have thought... man, they should rake their leaves. But instead, having the spirit of love, I grabbed my rake and did it for them. One of them even came outside with a big smile and said thank you.

We can all do simple things to serve one another, and we never know how much of a difference it will make in another person's life. Everyone, keep up the great work... not every day will be easy, but that is to be expected. Just do your best.

Day 3 - Hug O' War

Thank you all for your wonderful comments and inspiring stories and thoughts. You help strengthen us in our resolve to love more. Please, everyone, continue to make comments to help inspire everyone who visits the site. The purpose, as stated before, is synergy... your comment may inspire others. You do not need to have known Bryce or Tammy, you just need to have even the smallest desire to improve your life.

Yesterday I tried to focus on the small things that are easy to forget and look past. A few weeks ago someone I know asked me to do a favor for them. At the time I was a little bugged, which was silly of me, but as I did the favor I got a lot out of it. Yesterday I took the time to go and thank that person for the opportunity they provided me. I also made sure to compliment people more. I love the peaceful feelings that come as I do these things.

Here is a little inspirational thought from Shel Silverstein:

Day 2 - Forgiveness

Thank you to all who have responded to the challenge so quickly! I was overwhelmed with the response yesterday. I had no idea this would take off so quickly. Tammy, thank you for finding our idea so fast and linking it to your blog. I was nearly brought to tears as I read the comments of so many who are pushing forward with love. You all inspired me throughout the day and I cannot describe the love and excitement I felt in my heart.

My challenge yesterday was forgiveness. Unfortunately, there are people in the world who are bitter and angry, and some of those people thought it necessary to make comments on this blog. I was shocked by the rude words and misunderstanding of the challenge. Thankfully, I was focused on increasing love and I remembered the example of some who have come before me. I took the viewpoint that these people did not understand what they were doing, and had obviously been hurt at some point by someone. I forgive them for the comments they made, and I am truly sorry if some of you had to read them before they could be deleted.

I was reminded of the response of the Amish people to the gruesome murders of some of their people. A man, whom we respect greatly, and who has recently passed away, related the experience as such:

In the beautiful hills of Pennsylvania, a devout group of Christian people live a simple life without automobiles, electricity, or modern machinery. They work hard and live quiet, peaceful lives separate from the world. Most of their food comes from their own farms. The women sew and knit and weave their clothing, which is modest and plain. They are known as the Amish people.
A 32-year-old milk truck driver lived with his family in their Nickel Mines community. He was not Amish, but his pickup route took him to many Amish dairy farms, where he became known as the quiet milkman. Last October he suddenly lost all reason and control. In his tormented mind he blamed God for the death of his first child and some unsubstantiated memories. He stormed into the Amish school without any provocation, released the boys and adults, and tied up the 10 girls. He shot the girls, killing five and wounding five. Then he took his own life.
This shocking violence caused great anguish among the Amish but no anger. There was hurt but no hate. Their forgiveness was immediate. Collectively they began to reach out to the milkman’s suffering family. As the milkman’s family gathered in his home the day after the shootings, an Amish neighbor came over, wrapped his arms around the father of the dead gunman, and said, “We will forgive you.” Amish leaders visited the milkman’s wife and children to extend their sympathy, their forgiveness, their help, and their love. About half of the mourners at the milkman’s funeral were Amish. In turn, the Amish invited the milkman’s family to attend the funeral services of the girls who had been killed. A remarkable peace settled on the Amish as their faith sustained them during this crisis.
One local resident very eloquently summed up the aftermath of this tragedy when he said, “We were all speaking the same language, and not just English, but a language of caring, a language of community, [and] a language of service. And, yes, a language of forgiveness.” It was an amazing outpouring of their complete faith in the Lord’s teachings in the Sermon on the Mount: “Do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”
The family of the milkman who killed the five girls released the following statement to the public:
“To our Amish friends, neighbors, and local community:
“Our family wants each of you to know that we are overwhelmed by the forgiveness, grace, and mercy that you’ve extended to us. Your love for our family has helped to provide the healing we so desperately need. The prayers, flowers, cards, and gifts you’ve given have touched our hearts in a way no words can describe. Your compassion has reached beyond our family, beyond our community, and is changing our world, and for this we sincerely thank you.
“Please know that our hearts have been broken by all that has happened. We are filled with sorrow for all of our Amish neighbors whom we have loved and continue to love. We know that there are many hard days ahead for all the families who lost loved ones, and so we will continue to put our hope and trust in the God of all comfort, as we all seek to rebuild our lives.”
How could the whole Amish group manifest such an expression of forgiveness? It was because of their faith in God and trust in His word, which is part of their inner beings. They see themselves as disciples of Christ and want to follow His example.
Hearing of this tragedy, many people sent money to the Amish to pay for the health care of the five surviving girls and for the burial expenses of the five who were killed. As a further demonstration of their discipleship, the Amish decided to share some of the money with the widow of the milkman and her three children because they too were victims of this terrible tragedy.
Forgiveness is not always instantaneous as it was with the Amish. When innocent children have been molested or killed, most of us do not think first about forgiveness. Our natural response is anger. We may even feel justified in wanting to “get even” with anyone who inflicts injury on us or our family.
Dr. Sidney Simon, a recognized authority on values realization, has provided an excellent definition of forgiveness as it applies to human relationships:
“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

We feel that forgiveness is one of the supreme acts of love. May we each seek it and give it to those around us.