Day 100 - Spread the Word

The 100 Days of Love has been a great experience for me. I have learned so much about love and the many different qualities. There is so much power in love... and that power has a much more lasting effect than hate or fear. I was talking to my dad the other day about what it takes to make changes in the world. We talked about how awareness is just the first step. I hope by doing this blog many of you have become more aware of love and how to give it, I know it has for me. The next step in making change is doing something. That is why I did this blog... I wanted to do something, and I wanted to do something bigger than myself. My final challenge to you all in the 100 Days of Love is to go and do something bigger than yourself. Make a difference in the lives of those around you.

I would also like to ask you all to share with us the difference that 100 days of love has made in your life. This can be done via email ( 100daysoflove@gmail.com ) or by simply commenting below.

Day 99 - The Big Give

Oprah is doing something right now that she calls "The Big Give." She gives $100,000 to people with the instructions that they must use it to help as many people as possible, and they cannot use any on themselves. The person who is able to help the most people is rewarded one million dollars. This got me thinking. If I had $100,0000 what would I do to help people? What could I do to really reach out and touch others and make a difference in their lives? So I pose the same question to you all. What would you do if given that opportunity?

Day 98 - Physical Touch

I had an interesting experience in one of my classes today. Without going into all the details, I learned a very important lesson about the power of touch. We did an exercise where we talked about the emotions of another class member. We stood behind them with our hands on their shoulders and talked as if we were them. As I participated the depth of care and concern about my classmates increased dramatically. I thought about how the activity would have been different had we not stood behind and had the physical contact. I know I would not have felt the depth of what others said. There is power in being physically connected to another in a caring way. Some of us need that power of human touch to feel the love others have to share. This can come in the form of a hug, handshake, or just putting your hand on another's shoulder. Let others FEEL the love and care you have for them.

Day 97 - Optimism

There are so many challenging and unhappy things in our lives begging for our attention. The more we give it our attention, the more of it we notice. The more we notice the negative, the less capable we are to see the good and spread love. Let's all have an optimistic outlook on life. My optimistic thought for the day: All the snow my area has been getting lately will help fill the resevoirs and help get us out of the drought.

Day 96 - Purposeful Sorrow

I was watching the funeral of a man I deeply respected today. His daughter was speaking about his life about when he lost his sweet wife a couple of years ago. She spoke of his overwhelming grief and how he expressed this to those around him. The words she spoke next really hit me. She said that this experience (and I paraphrase) carved out a deeper well of compassion and love in him as he made purpose out of the suffering. It made me think about how I react to the trials in my life. I must admit, I often resort to upset and bitter feelings more often than I would like. However, there is great truth that we can allow our hardest trials and sorrows to deepen our capacity for empathy and love.

Day 95 - Loving Our Bodies

Today I went to a yoga class, and one of the basic premises of yoga is tuning yourself into what your body is trying to tell you. The instructor even encouraged us to thank our bodies for the power of movement. Every ligament, joint, tendon, socket, down to the last cell, is a miracle. We forget sometimes what exactly goes into even the smallest twitch. We should do everything possible to be grateful for and take care of our bodies. It sounds trite but it really behooves us to eat well, sleep and excercise. (AND STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM TANNING BEDS!!!) This is different than loving oneself. This is taking care of our bodies so our bodies can take care of us and the people that we LOVE.

Day 94 - Prejudice?

My dad sent me an email yesterday of some thoughts he has had lately. I thought I would share it with all of you as it is very powerful and an important element of love.

"Why is there prejudice in the world? I was talking to Marzia, one of my assistants whose family escaped the Taliban-ruled Afghanistan when she was just 5 years old, about an article in the most recent National Geographic about one of the several traditional tribes of people in Afghanistan that is considered inferior by all the other tribes and has been for centuries. They are descended from the horde of Genghis Khan who intermixed with the locals. Because she shares features with these people although none of her siblings do, she was teased a lot as a little girl. The words to the song from the musical South Pacific came to mind:

You have to be taught to hate and fear!
You have to be taught from year to year
It has to be drummed in your sweet little ear.
You have to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a different shade.
You have to be carefully taught.

You have to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate.
You have to be carefully taught.

TIL: Prejudice is a silly, irrational behavior that serves only to make one’s group feel elite only to itself. It is divisive, and along with religion, causes much hate and alienation in the world. Anti-love.

To do: Make a list of my prejudices and analyze them. Examine how they get in the way of love.

I am fortunate to have friends from many different backgrounds so I can expand my ability to love all."

Day 93 - Surprise Someone

Our daily routines can often become very monotonous. While we may not be bugged by that fact, this does not take away from the fact that a little variety or surprise can go a long way in making someone happy or cared about. Do something out of the ordinary or unexpected to show your love and see how your efforts can increase your love for that person.

Day 92 - Inconvenience Yourself

A friend of ours came over last night and was telling us about his day. He shared that while he was driving home from school he saw a guy in a backpack running and thought he should see if the guy needed a ride. He passed him, and by the time he got home he felt bad for doing this, so he turned around and caught up to the guy. Just as he got to him the man's bus pulled away and he had missed it. So, he picked him up and took him to school. This happened a couple more times during the day, and he was able to help a couple more people get to school on time (and out of the cold weather for a couple minutes).
This made me think about the person I know that has most embodied love. He was constantly serving and loving others, and often did this while he was his way to do something else. He took time out to serve and love because that is what this life is really about anyways.

Day 92 - Wikipedia's version...

The word love has many different meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (patriotism, family). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love. Probably due to its psychological relevance, love is one of the most common themes in art and music.

Just as there are many types of lovers, there are many kinds of love. Though love is inherent in all human cultures, cultural differences make any universal definition difficult to establish.[1] One definition attempting to be universally applicable is Thomas Jay Oord's: to love is to act intentionally, in sympathetic response to others (including God), to promote overall well-being. This definition applies to the positive connotations of love.

Expressions of love may include the love for a "soul" or mind, the love of laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love of food, love of money, love for learning, love of power, love of fame, love for the respect of others, etcetera. Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive. According to philosophers, the only goal of life is to be happy. And there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. Love is essentially an abstract concept, much easier to experience than to explain.

Day 90 - Memories

This morning I was checking up on some friends blogs and came across a slide show of some wonderful memories of our younger days. It's amazing how memories of the past can brighten our day so quickly. Let's brighten others days be sharing the wonderful memories we have with them.

Day 89 - Share

We each have been given many things in this life. If we were to take all the gifts, talents, goods, etc. in the world and made them accessible to all, the world would not have any needs. And yet we are surrounded by people in need every day. Sometimes these needs are physical/tangible, other times they are emotional/spiritual. We never know how we might bless the lives of others and fill their needs until we start sharing the things we have with them. What a blessing it is to share what we have been given with others.

Day 88 - Love the Earth

Today we had the wonderful opportunity to go hiking in the desert with some great friends. Being outside, where things haven't been developed, always puts new energy into my soul. I hope places like that will be preserved so that my children and others can enjoy them the way I do. And yet as we walked, there were several places where man had made his mark with deserted trash. I am shocked by how others can just leave trash lingering in the most beautiful places. It is so degrading to the beauty that has been given us. It is a selfish and thoughtless act, not only to the Earth, but to those who come after us. Lets all do our part to preserve the beauty around us, and to clean up the trash left by others.

Day 87 - Conversation

I am grateful for my wonderful wife for many reasons. One of these is because she is a great conversationalist. I love to wake up in the morning and just lay in bed talking to one another. There is something about talking with others, fully invested, that draws one closer to the person with whom they are talking. There are so many people in the world who just need someone who will have a real conversation with them. Let's all take the time to just talk and enjoy one anothers company.

Day 86 - Anticipate the Need

Hi everyone, it's the wife...My husband has a horriffic schedule today. No wonder there isn't any blog yet (it's about 7 p.m.) I know he really cares about the blog and hopes to finish it every day in the morning so all of you can read it. I guess you could say that he loves you. And I love him. I'm going to shout it from the rooftops! Anyway, this is how I'm going to show my love for him today. He's going to come home at 9 tonight (he leaves at 8 a.m.) and have a few things to do before he crashes, but this blog will not be one of them because I already did it. I anticipated his need. Do you think it's going to work? I hope so. The message today? Try to do something for someone to make his/her life a little better. Anticipate that need before it even comes up.

Day 85 - Lust?

Our carnal passions can be a huge block to genuine love. This does not primarily refer to passions of a sexual nature. For some it may be for attention, for others it may be for food. Whatever it is we lust after, it tends to lead us towards selfishness. We quickly decrease our ability to care for others the more we give attention to our lusts. Therefore, in order to fill our lives with love, we must keep our passions, or lusts, in check and under control.

Day 84 - Set Goals

Sometimes it is difficult to increase our love when we simply say, "I am going to be more loving today." I know it is hard for me to do this as the day gets going and all the issues of life toot their horns at me. However, if I can set a specific goal of what I am going to do each day, I am more apt to accomplish it. For example, I could say, "I am going to compliment 3 people today" or "I am going to write 10 Thank You notes this week." Set specific goals for how you can increase you love.

Day 83 - Enjoy the Moments

Even on days when things are not going very well there are moments that are pleasant and loving. Waking up to snow this morning could have been nice, but I had things to do that made it just cold. Also, some plans for the day had to get changed unavoidably. Yet, in each of those things... there were moments full of love. Early this morning, out in the snow, I paused to talk to one of my older neighbors who was out shoveling his driveway. I was able to chat and share a nice moment joking with him. Later in the day, my wife and I seized the spontaneous moment to just dance together in the kitchen to the music that was playing in the background. Our young son just smiled at us and laughed. These are the moments we must focus on when things do not go as planned, and then cherish them and let them enrich our lives.

Day 82 - 10 Ideas to Show Someone That You Care

1.Play! This works for children, spouses, neighgbors, etc. Invite them to play a game with you. They will love it and so will you.
2.Get Active – After dinner, go for a walk. Feel-good endorphins will generate feelings of happiness.
3.Make a Card – It is easy and very thoughtful. Everyone loves to get a valentine!
4.Boogie Down – Share moments dancing together or just enjoying music!
5.Say it Sweetly – Cooking is one of the oldest and best ways to convey your adoration. If you aren’t up to cooking or baking, share a box of sweets.
6.Look for the Good – Tell someone in a note or verbally what your favorite thing about them is. Honest praise is remembered longer than a gift.
7.Make Coupons – Easy enough for kids to make, they can be redeemable for just about anything; a hug, a kiss, chores, etc.
8.End a Fight – Be the first to say, “I’m sorry” This inspires a lot of love.
9.Fill the Days – Write down silly and serious reasons you love someone on his/her calendar. It will make them smile all year.
10. King/Queen of the Day – Treat someone like it is his/her birthday even if it is not.

Day 81 - Think Before You Talk

I am so thankful I have a slow tongue. I know I would get myself into trouble if I said a lot of the things that came into my head immediately. The 100 Days of Love has been a blessing for me because it has given me something to measure up my thoughts to. Before, I might have been ok with some of my thoughts, but now I am amazed by the quantity of unloving thoughts that swirl around in this noggin of mine. I have been able to work through my thinking and change my thoughts. Sometimes it is hard, but it definitely feels better to have more loving, understanding, and merciful thoughts towards others. Hopefully this can be seen as I let these new words out of my mouth.

Day 80 - Quality Affirmations

A wonderful way to show love to others is by letting them know the things they are doing well. However, in doing this, it is much more effective to be specific in our praise. For instance we could say, "good job, you are good at that." But it is more effective to say, "I like the way you smile at others. It really makes me and them happy." This shows the person why you think they are doing something good, and it is much more personal. This is especially important when giving children praise.

Day 79 - Love a Stranger

Today I am going to try to show love to a stranger. I am going to smile and genuinely thank the person in the check out line. I am going to pop that door open for the person coming in behind me. I am going to be courteous to others while I share the road with them. Why? Because we are all connected. We to them and them to us, and somehow, the fruits of those relationships is what nourishes our souls. If we sow anger, our soul will reap it. If we take time to nurture our relationships with family, friends, and yes, even strangers our souls will reap the benefits of pure love.

Day 78 - Understanding & Boundaries

In answer to a comment from yesterdays post.... It is often very hard to continue loving someone when that person continues to do or say hurtful things to you. This is especially hard when that person should be one of your closest allies and supports. Often, others do not know of the impact their words have on us... sometimes they don't care. Yet does that qualify us to step away from our own loving sphere and enter another's of malice and discontent? One hard element of love is understanding that others attitudes and hurtful words are not always about us. It is about them... and how they have experienced (or not experienced) love in their lives. Maybe they are hurting inside and do not know how to make themselves feel better. At times we ourselves bring others down in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. Sadly, this is just a temporary and false solution... the problem still remains. So how do we deal with these people in our lives? I confess I do not have all the answers. All I know is that the answer lies somewhere in love. I also know that setting boundaries and holding to them is one way of showing love to ourselves and those who try to cross them. Firmness does not take away love... sometimes it solidifies it.

For those who veiw this blog, I would appreciate feedback and help to answer some of the difficult questions of love. I am no expert, but I know we each have experiences and successes that have taught us more about genuine love.

Day 77 - Build Up (Not Put Down)

I find in my life that when people point out the things that I am doing well I am so much more likely do continue doing it. Also, I feel closer to the people who are building me up. There are millions of people out there that do not feel good about themselves because of the things that others have said to them. What they need now more than anything is for others to believe in them, support them, and build them up. Let's be that agent for change in others life by building up all the people around us and filling their lives with love.

Day 76 - People are Individuals

Each and every one of us is unique and has our own set of beliefs and experiences. As such, we have learned different ways of dealings with things in our lives. Parents will admit that what worked for one child did not necessarily work for the next. So they learned to adapt to the needs and personalities of each child. We come in contact with many people each day and these people are as unique and different as one child is from the next. If we could learn to treat people as the individuals they are, rather than trying to lump them into categories, we will find our capacity to love them grow. We will be more understanding, and we will take the time necessary to get to know them.

Day 75 - Appreciation

I would like to show my appreciation to my mother for taking over the blog for a couple of weeks. I had to take my computer in to get fixed, and she took over for a couple days while I was computerless. She enjoyed doing it so much, and I was busy with life stuff, that I let her keep going. She did a marvelous job of inspiring us in new ways of love. In each of our lives we have people that support us and strengthen us in various ways. Some we may not even recognize. How important it is to show and give appreciation to those who support us. Take time out of the day to address those people in whatever way possible and let them know how much we appreciate the things they do for us.

Day 74--Journaling

We often have significant experiences in our lives. As the years go by, we remember some of the details. It is always fun to go back and read any of the experiences we wrote down. Journaling is a wonderful way to remember what is happening in our lives. It has several useful purposes. One is that as we write, we are able to clarify what we have thought or experienced. That alone can give us perspective. Another is that we can see how we have grown, or what we have learned when we look at the writing another time. Another is that sometimes others can benefit from reading what we have written. Our family members would benefit from reading and knowing about our lives. Another fun thing would be to write about your loved ones and tell stories about them. Journaling is a great way to record your memories and feelings.

Day 73--Good Health

Oftentimes we take our good health for granted. We don't notice how well our bodies function until something goes wrong. A year ago Bryce seemed to be fine, and today he is gone from us physically. Just like we need to watch our interactions with the sun, we need to be conscious of what it requires to have good health. There are no shortcuts to optimal health. There are the big 3: diet, exercise and rest. One of our gifts to ourselves (first) and our loved ones is to take care of our bodies. We don't need to be unrealistic in our goals. But I believe it is a very important priority to take care of my body so it can serve me, and then I can serve others.

Day 72--Thanks and Please

I remember a song I learned when I was little. The words are: "There are two little magic words that can open any door with ease. One little word is thanks and the other little word is please. Oh, you will be surprised what these two little words can do. One works like a charm for me and the other's like a charm for you." I was thinking about how powerful it is when I use these words, or when others use them to me. A genuine thanks can really make my day. I may be thinking how I appreciate what you do, but if you can't read my mind, how do you know? I'm going to try and tell people THANKS more today.

Day 71--Be Positive

When you see a cup with water in it, do you notice it is half full or half empty? The same amount of water can bring different perspectives. We can anticipate seeing the optimistic side of things rather than the pessimistic side. Realities are what they are. We might have health challenges, financial problems, relationship issues, etc. But our attitude towards them will be a big part of the battle. I want to choose to look at things with a positive spin. I find my quality of life is much happier if I laugh than if I feel depressed. There are certainly sad things for all of us. But we lose our power if we give into the sad things. We keep our power by being proactive and positive. Look back at the different days and remember the fun positive things you can choose. I'm going to smile today!

Day 70--Patience

Lily Tomlin said "The trouble with the rat race is even when you win, you're still a rat." We get so caught up in the busy world, that we don't always enjoy life. The insanity of hurriedness has permeated every facet of life and prevents us from being able to enjoy our friends, families and ourselves to the fullest. Our lives would be richer if we would take time to "smell the roses." Patience is not only a virtue, but it can also be the road to mental and physical well-being. Maybe we can slow the processes down so that we can enjoy our lives more fully. Life is more of a journey than a destination, so what's the hurry?

Day 69--Schedule Priorities

We get such busy lives. Often we look at our daily tasks and think about the lists of things to do. We have learned to schedule our priorities for the day. But perhaps an even greater way to look at our lives is to think about what our priorities truly are. Sure we have the daily things we must do. But what about the really important things--building our relationships. Perhaps the one you need to nurture is yourself. When you look at your week ahead, you can plan to take care of important things to you, often that are not demanding. Schedule your priorities more than prioritize your schedule. That might mean taking time to go to lunch with a friend, write in a journal, email a good friend, etc. We have to think about these things ahead of time. They won't just show up on our list of things to do. I found I sometimes took Wednesday mornings to do some of these kinds of things and I was amazed how much better I felt when I planned in things that really mattered to me that I never seemed to get around to otherwise. I wondered why I often did jobs that were not fulfilling regularly, but neglected some meaningful things. I know with planning I can choose to do things that matter. Schedule some priorities and see how good it feels!

Day 68--Reason for living

I was listening to some music this morning and heard an old song. I thought about the lyrics and they were: "Love is nature's way of giving a reason to be living." What a wonderful thought! Our lives are so much happier and fulfilled if we have love in them. There are possibilities everywhere. There are different levels of love. It is loving to just be kind and smile at the people we casually meet. But the deepest reason to love comes from having meaningful connections. There is a purpose to loving. I am excited that our world has embraced more people being able to tell others that they love them. See how many people you truly love today, and TELL THEM!

Day 67--Seasons

We recognize the seasons of the year. Right now we are reminded about winter with all the snow we have received. It is beautiful--but cold. It's always amazing to think that spring will follow winter. If I can hang on through this cold season, I will feel something warm and beautiful soon. Each season has it's beauties, it's lessons, and it's challenges. I prefer spring and fall to winter and summer. But I can learn to enjoy all of them. (I'm glad to live in a place where we experience 4 different seasons.) We have seasons in our loving as well. Sometimes I am warm, sometimes I am cold. But the warmth brings more blossoms, more fruit. I look forward to some rich times ahead because I know it is my choice to make this a season of joy and caring for others. I choose to have a warm heart, not a cold heart. I determine my own seasons.

Day 66--Our View

How we treat others is determined by how we "view" others. We typically think it's by how we treat others. Our view about others matters a lot. It's easy to see our involvement as a task to be accomplished, or not as an individual but as a member of a group, or as a pest or nuisance, or for what they can do for us. But the way we look at them is very important. When we "view" them as important, we find we have a greater capacity to love them.

Day 65--Tender Mercies

Today I saw the tender mercies. Someone who had made some serious mistakes was given another chance to prove that he could make better choices in the future. Our lives are a series of choices and consequences. Sometimes we don't make the connection between a choice we made and how it affects our own life and the lives of others. Or other times we are very critical of someone else and their choices. If we got what we deserved, it would be a very sad state. Hopefully we can get better than we deserve. I want to look at others and give them the benefit of the doubt. I believe that everyone has a story. When we know about that story, we can love them--often more than before. I want to extend mercy to others the same way I want that for myself. I don't want to be the judge, I don't have all the information. Leave that to someone else. What a great experience it was to watch this friend get a second chance today. I want to give others another chance in my efforts to be more loving.

Day 64--Looking Ahead

It's 2008! It is always so busy with the holidays. It's nice to have sweet memories of the things that happened this year. But it's time now to look ahead and see what's coming for 2008. I remember a story about a group of POW's that were caught in the war. They were each interviewed to see what they had planned for their lives. The ones that didn't know were held in light security. But the ones who had actual goals and knew what they wanted in life were kept in maximum security. They were the ones that they knew could come up with plans to break out. They were the ones who really cared about making their lives great.
There is something significant about taking the time to think about what you want from this new year and then WRITING it down. Chances are greater that you will do something if you write it down. It doesn't mean you have to accomplish everything you think you want to do. But having a purpose helps us be more proactive about our lives. Start thinking about what you want. Don't just think in terms of the doing, but about the BEING. (See yesterday's post) What kind of a person do you want to BE? And then look at goals for how that kind of thing can happen.

Day 63--Having, Doing, Being

It's fun at this time of year to reflect back on 2007 and ahead to 2008. I think a fun way to look at the years can be through 3 areas: Having, Doing and Being. What kind of things do you have? Sometimes we get caught up in our accumulations and think that's what's important. What kind of things did I do? This can be a collection of activities and events, some minor and others significant. The kinds of things we do with our time is important to build our character. But the really fun way to look at our growth is through our "being." What kind of a person am I? How did/do I treat others? What is my purpose? Not what I have or do, but what I am. The reason we have been touched by Bryce's life is not from what he had or did during those last 100 days, but by what he WAS. He chose to be cheerful. He chose to let go of things that didn't matter. He chose to let others into his life to support him. He chose to look for the good as much as he could in difficult circumstances. Maybe we can reflect on the person we have become through the highs and lows of 2007 and CHOOSE to have our goals for 2008 reflect more what what we "ARE" than what we will "Have" or "Do."